I don't want Hannah to go away.  Things shouldn't have to change.  Today really hit home that she's leaving, like actually leaving.  Earlier we were sat on the stairs in Penfold and just looked at each other.  I nearly cried.  We know what the other means when we say stuff like; "I think it should look like a montage, but not like a montage."  and know exactly what that means.  All we seem to do at the moment is talk about the old times.  She's always been there, I don't know how to deal with her not being there.  From year 7 I had never actually been happy.  I mean I'd been happily coasting through friends, some good and some bad, but year 9 changed me.  Hannah changed me.  It wasn't scary actually being me, I owe a lot to her and I don't even think she knows it.  It's funny to think that I would sometimes feel jealous of the history Linzi shared with other friends, thinking that my friendship with her was somewhat inadequate considering our "good old times" were probably like a year previous heh insecurities suck.  But why did I feel the need to want something that I already have an abundance of?  I've had so many great times with Hannah, times that are so trivial and silly that it just makes them more precious.  I treasure each memory I have now, be it spending an hour in the school gym with nothing but a mat and still having the most fun, or sitting next to her when we showed our Year 11 Leavers DVD for the first time, or even the very first time I stayed round her house and we played the Bad Girls drinking game with Bucks Fizz!  Everything seems so much more important to remember and cling onto recently.  It is the subtle desperation of me clutching to the memories before I lose a person who is practically my family.  She knows me better than my own family, that's for sure.  I shall miss her more than I would miss my own family.
I never know what courses may crop up while doing my foundation year, Edge Hill might not be the best option.  I might not end up near Hannah for years.  Of course I'll visit but it's not the same.  Batman knows what state we will all be in at our Last Supper, it's not worth thinking about; I've cried too much already.  It's a possibility that Hannah will be halfway up the country and Linzi will be in Italy :( I think it unfair that the precious people go far away...

...maybe I smell funny [teehee]